I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
