my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
