Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize