I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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