he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
