i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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