Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
