ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
