I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
