Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
