so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
