Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
