I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
