How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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