i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
