We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
