okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
