We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
