Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
