Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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