Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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