I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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