i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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