His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pants are for mortals
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
