I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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