and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize