you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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