U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
