As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just pee around me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
