I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
