eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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