i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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