At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
