Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
