we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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