worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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