are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
