we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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