we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
