I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
