Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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