I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
