I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
