My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
