i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
