you guys were way drunker than both of me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
