Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
