I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
