Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
