we're blogging at a bar
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
