she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
