don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
