Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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