Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
