Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
