today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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