AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
