lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
