i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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