im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
