everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize