Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
