i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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