He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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