his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
