well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize