Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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