if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
