Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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