Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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