it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
