he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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