Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the condom got lost in my hair
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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