Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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