69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
