Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
