His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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