Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize