Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
