what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
