He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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