it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
