I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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