Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
