He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
