I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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