In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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