If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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