a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize