I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
